Pavlos (pavlos) wrote,
Pavlos
pavlos

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Real people, trapped in it

I'm miserable - but no, not because it's dark and cold outside or because a squandered youth has left my life devoid of meaning. These I can deal with :-) I'm miserable because I've got some sort of cold or flu, since I got off the last set of flights that got me to Edinburgh. Actually I could see it coming from the cold and wet evening in Pittsburgh and slowly getting worse. Sitting in planes and airport terminals breathing recycled air isn't great for you.

Being ill sucks. I want sex and cuddles, and combinations of those, but if anyone actually offered them I'd have to say sorry I'm not well enough, come back later :-( No I don't get random (or even planned) offers of sex and cuddles that often, but when it does happen I want to be up for it. More to the point, being open to them in principle is an essential part of being alive. If I don't feel well enough for intimacy with another person I don't want to do anything - I feel I might as well shut my life down until I recover...

For the past three weeks or so, I've been living in hotels, eating in restaurants, and interacting with co-workers and customers. Of these, at least the co-workers offer some kind of human interaction, limited as it is. Being a customer or a seller isn't like interacting with other humans, but more like interacting with a terrible machine that gives you food in exchange of software (that's what I produce). There are people trapped in the terrible machine, and you can get glimpses of them waving at you in panic, but you can't reach out or talk to them, for the machine is fragile...

But that is the subject of a different rant.
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